I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
