Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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