I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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