We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
