I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
