I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i need some magic done to my vagina
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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