Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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