wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
