how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
