yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
