Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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