Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
