i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
