I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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