so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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