Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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