I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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