Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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