the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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