Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
