Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my sisters under your porch take her home
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
