I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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