Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
