Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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