I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
