I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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