me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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