My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
