we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
