Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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