He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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