wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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