I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
