A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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