Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
