You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
