Your mouth is God's brothel.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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