It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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