He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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