How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize