I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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