Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
