he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize