if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
