Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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