So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
