You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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