i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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