You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
