I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
