Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
