They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
