My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
