I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
