She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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