If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
