Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
