my mouth tastes like poor choices
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
