Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize