Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You ruined the universe
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
