What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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