I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
