I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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