How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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