found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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