Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
