After last night, I could never be a politician.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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