thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize