we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize