Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
